


All The Blues ◕ Viktuuri

by ghiblue



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Cancer, Depression, It worked, M/M, POV Katsuki Yuuri, Regret, Suicide, Vent Piece, Victor Nikiforov has Cancer, Yuuri Katsuki Has Low Self-Esteem, Yuuri Katsuki Regrets A Lot of Things, Yuuri Katsuki is Heartbroken, i actually wrote this as an attempt to make my best friends cry, i have no life, im sorry i just felt really down, they blocked me for a week LOL
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 15:48:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14523948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghiblue/pseuds/ghiblue
Summary: Victor's time is running out fast. He's helpless, desperate to do anything to turn back time so he could relive the days. Yuuri's sadness is going to his head. He can't do anything but wallow in sorrow and self-pity. Before they realize what they should have done, everything spirals into a bad ending, ultimately striking them with the harsh realization of what reality really is.





	All The Blues ◕ Viktuuri

You’d think everything would be fine. After our decidedly final tournament, Victor and I decided to settle down. Marriage was absolutely thrilling, the whole concept of it chilling me to the bone. I was so insecure, however. Completely scared of the thought of Victor leaving me, I always ended up frustrating myself trying to make everything right. I was so delusional, all because I wanted to be perfect.

 

I knew I couldn’t be. I wish I had stopped thinking about myself and took the time to look around me and see what was actually happening to the people around me. How was I affecting them? Should I change according to what they want? What do I even want to do with myself? I took every single day as another challenge, putting up a smile and erupting with laughs, when at the end of the day I would always find myself curled up into a ball, not even appreciating the warmth and affection the love of my life was showering me in.

 

I've always been so delusional, not even noticing the way his sad eyes were taking me in. How he flinched everytime I decided to scowl at him. How his heart broke down every single time I decided to be a careless shut in, not giving him the love and care I had initially wanted to flourish him in.  I always thought he would have decided to leave me, and go find another human who would be much more better than I would ever be.

 

I was corrected immediately though, because he was there every step of the way. And he never really decided to do the same -giving me the cold shoulder, that is- because he continued to be the most understanding husband ever. He told me I was beautiful, even when I very well knew I wasn’t. He told me I was amazing, when I knew I was far from that. Hell, he told me I was __perfect__ , when I’m pretty sure he should have been talking to himself.

 

My eyes felt as knives were stabbing them as I realized I was too late; the moment I had stepped into the room, Viktor had been trying to quiet down his sobs as he grasped a handful of his silver hair. Now, you’d think this was normal for someone crying, holding onto the nearest possible thing they could get a hand of. It was far from normal, however, when the hair he held came from the big patch on his pale scalp. I felt my breath hitch in my throat, as I tried to find the right words to say. I was helpless, trying to find my way back into the bitter reality.

 

I wish I had figured it out sooner. This was just a sick, twisted nightmare that had made it’s way into my head. I hated everything about the situation, the way sadness was practically radiating off of his frail, shaking body. I was too caught up with my own selfish feelings to tell him what I really wanted to say before. My heart drop to my stomach when our eyes finally collided. That was when the tears finally spilled, my heart reverberating like a drum, and my lungs begging for air. I couldn’t even __speak__ , much less __move__. I wanted to hug him, but I was too busy having a mental battle if I should even touch him at all. He looked so frail, like a single tap would crack him open and destroy him immediately.

 

Victor opened his mouth, trying to explain the situation to me, but it was all clear to me. His violent sobs only increased in volume; it was anything but music to my ears. I had never felt more confused in my entire life. I didn’t know if I should have cried, or if I should have belted out profanities. I didn’t even know if I had the right to look at him. The list was endless. I took a few second to try and see if there were clues from before that could have foreshadowed his current state. I choked up sobs as I thought of the first few times we were practicing together. I remembered my finger foolishly reacting to it's own accord as it pressed on his scalp, the circular patch devoid of hair making my brain unconsciously take interest in. He stopped suddenly, eyes sending daggers onto the ground as he spoke in a gruff voice.

 

__“Is it getting that thin, already?”_ _

__

Why didn’t I figure out it sooner? I didn’t think it was serious at all. Why didn’t I take it seriously? I was so caught up in my own problems, that I forgot about the one person who still actually cared about me after everything that had happened. I rushed to his side, sliding my hands up and down his back as I tried to calm him with hushed whispers. I knew very well that a hug could do close to nothing, but what the hell was I even supposed to do? I let out frantic gasps, my lungs unable to function properly to my heavy sobbing. My whole world stopped then and there, as the two words demolished the rest of my sanity into smithereens.

 

“One month,” he croaked, throat scratchy and sore from all the crying. He smiled. Not out of joy, but out of sadness. It was heartbreaking; seeing the man you love with all of you in a state like this. If it was possible, I would have traded places with him. Anything to make him alright. I just didn’t understand. Was this the world's way of punishing me? I let out even more pathetic wails as I clutched his body tighter, as if I was scared that he'd slip away from me and break into a thousand pieces. In the spur of the moment, one question made its way to my mind. Out of all people in this cruel, corrupted world－

__

__Why him?_ _


End file.
